If self-love had an ambassador I’d like to think I’d be a pretty strong contender. I have never really sat down and explained my own issues with self-love. It’s an incredibly hard subject to address and to sit-down and relay the emotions over the past few years. But in order to move on and to learn to love yourself, first you have to accept the pain and take ownership and responsibility for your feelings. This isn’t going to be a blog about me explaining my past, more explaining and hopefully helping others in similar situations, to learn how to move on.
Learning and accepting the issues is the key to moving on. I was blasé about most things. A hopeless romantic following the beliefs of ‘it’ll be ok in the end’ and ‘everything happens for a reason’. Only I couldn’t yet work out what the reasons were. Emotionally and physically I have been through quite a lot. But somehow I always managed to withhold the belief that the relationship would be ok. That each time the cheating or the abuse happened, that it was the last time. But it was never the last time, until I made it the last time. You have to be the one to accept what is happening is not what you deserve. You have to call truths on your own self-worth, to stand up and say I just can’t do it anymore. Maybe I feared being a weak person. Or maybe I just didn’t want to let go of the hopes and dreams of things getting better. But now I look back and realise how much of an incredibly strong person I was for walking away.
Accepting the issues is the biggest step. When you’ve done this, self-love will become so much easier. It made me realise that nobody deserves to treat me with disrespect. That I deserve to be loved just as much as I can love. I started to take time out to reflect on what happened and to speak to other people who had been through similar things. I realised I would give them advice that I wasn’t following myself. I’d tell them they are so so worthy of love and feeling good enough. But was I following suit? This is where I realised I had to appreciate myself. That I couldn’t put my whole worth on a single person. Their actions to treat me in such a way were not a representation of my worth. Taking time to appreciate yourself, to feel yourself getting stronger emotionally and physically is massively undervalued. Because how can someone truly love you if you don’t show that same love for yourself.
For a while I didn’t have any relationships, I didn’t allow anyone else in my life. The thought of being hurt again was too much, the thought of trusting someone else just as hard. But we have to believe that not everybody is the same. There are so many good people out there, it’s just finding someone who is worthy of your feelings. But what I can enter a new relationship with, is the security of understanding my own feelings and self-worth. Knowing that I will never compete with somebody else for acceptance or love, I am enough. You are enough!